God, after last semester, battling with forgiveness, sin, and honoring my parents…. my grades sucked. Looking back on the semester, I did things that were not in my character, even just a human, not even as a child of Christ. When I look at where I was at with you, before finals week, I felt so close to you God! Then it was crunch time and I was lazy, didn’t want to study and was distracted by silly things. I sought you, and you gave me my portion. This of course was getting not so good grades, and realizing how -not- cut out I am to be living, even this life, on my own at least. I felt such sorrow and confusion. Sometimes I think I measure success in life by how well my grades are. The truth is you, Lord, make me successful. I think it was a good discipline act, showing me how I can’t be the person I was starting to become. We erased that though, the past is done. I adored how much peace you gave me during finals week, but not living up to my own standards…. sucks! I don’t know why I can get so down when I don’t’ feel equipped for life, you equip me God, so I pray that I can see that, and focus on that. Actually, I want to just focus on you! So I pray that this semester would be about how you make me adequate. For class, tests, life, singing, praying, it’s all you God, but I get in the way so often and it hurts inside. I guess that is the purpose of sin.
I also pray for a quiet and gentle spirit. Having fun is one thing, but sometimes I turn into a looney bin. I pray that I would not have anymore laugh attacks, as the blood pressure in my head increases, and that kind of scares me. Help me to control those moments. Sure, I might have said how it would be cool to die from laughter, but I don’t actually wish that. I should probably go to the doctor eh? Doctors kind of freak me out…. either I don’t actually have anything wrong with, contrary to what I think, or I will have a tumor or something. I suppose that just comes down to pride.
I pray that I would defeat pride this semester. It might be a life struggle, which I don’t doubt it will, but ‘pride leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering’ aka disappointment in life. Help me avoid that, and if you bless me with situations to practice humility, please be with me, as I know you always are, but guide me in humility.
I also pray for my family, that they would know you and know you more. I also pray that you would be guiding my sister.
You are awesome! Thanks