I’ve been trying to process through a lot of things lately… things that appear in my dreams, fears that for a brief moment are real in my sleep. I wake up confused and afraid, and I’m back to a place where I’m just not strong enough to run away, to stop it, to prevent it. I’m beginning to see that a lot of my hesitancy in relationships is derived from this fear… how do I overcome this Lord? I’m afraid that I’m damaged forever…. and I don’t know what this fear means. I do know that I’m afraid of not being strong enough though. So it seems I’m lacking strength. But you have great strength, God. You move mountains, and build forests; you have healing hands and you have hands that can wound. You have all the strength of the universe. How do I have strength though? My strength comes from you, but how do I make that happen God? How do you become my strength? Is it just prayer? Praying all the time… but what if I forget to pray before I spend time with people? Will you be my strength then? You will never leave me or forsake me, I know. God, protect me from sin. This trial consumes my life, my thoughts, everyday… I’ve grown so faint of being afraid all the time. I want to be able to love people God, not be fearful of them. I want to feel what its like to be in a room with people and not be tortured by fear. Tear this fear from my thoughts! I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want it anymore. Oh how I despise sin God, how it hurts me. I’m so subject to it myself though. Oh Lord, where I would be without the love you give… in pain forever. Be my strength God, help me trust you, help me trust the people who follow you, help me trust myself. I am nothing without you…. I am a wounded, helpless child without your strength. I need the strength you have. I need it.