Well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my relationship with my family isn’t the greatest. For the past year it’s really just been about my heart. Going home wasn’t something I began to be to excited about especially after last thanksgiving break when my sister leaving her husband and moving home really impacted the family dynamic. Long story short: there was a lot of yelling and an equal amount of crying. After that week, going home ever again wasn’t something I began to look forward to. However, God encouraged me by the Holy Spirit to begin honoring my parents. The main purpose in that for me was more of trying to be a good wife. No, I’m not married, but people always say you can tell what kind of relationship you will have with your spouse by the relationship you have with your parents. And I’ll just say it, that thought scared the bejeebes out of me. I was a very angry, unruly, uncommunicative, unsubmissive child to my parents where even being told to clean my cat’s litter box was something that just made me very angry. So we (being God and myself, along with some encouraging sisters) set out to change that, which really just started with me realizing that my parents are my parents and they do have authority, especially since I still live in their house and depend on them for transportation, insurance, and cell phones. Next came realizing that my parents aren’t just some know-it-all beings that are perfect in life and relationships as well. Expecting them to know how to treat me and understand me at all times is a high bar, that I really shouldn’t ask of anyone. My parents, like me, want to be loved, prayed for, acknowledged, thought of, considered; basically I can ask my self… I feel loved when [insert something loving here] and apply that to my parents. I’ve come to realize that I set incredibly high standards for people in life, which causes them to feel judged and unloved. As God loves me so much, even taking a small, minuscule portion of that and giving it to my family makes a ginormous difference.
In what way?
Well over the past couple months, I have successfully avoided having an argument with my mom via phone, or in person. Believe it or not, this is a huge improvement, as before I could barely ever hang up the phone without feeling angry. Also, I call my grandma, my aunts, and my dad more. I can share more about whats going on in my life honestly, and something that has been happening more recently, is that I can sit down at dinner with my mom’s psuedo-boyfriend (I say psuedo because it’s something I’ve concluded as my mom isn’t great at communicating) or my dad’s girlfriend, and invite them to the parents weekend that is happening at my church. (Something I was afraid to invite my parents and their relationshipees to, for fear of being judged, which was really just me judging them for getting divorced [i have an angry heart <its’s something I’m working on>] )
Anyway, I feel more at ease to love them now that I judge them less. Judgment is just not good for people to do, I’m glad I have a God who is just and unchanging, because I am not.
This time going home, I’ve had a better heart to help around the farm, do chores and be thankful and loving towards my family. It’s been a long couple months and it’s never over, but because I have a relationship with the creator of the universe, who holds the world in the palm of his hand, I can be confident that I’m working towards something that is glorifying to him, and not just a future spouse (especially since there is so much joy in being single!) Being loving to my family, who loves me so, is the least I can do for a God who sent his son to sumbit to his will and die on the cross.