What a foundation we have in God. What a firm, unmoving place we have to still our souls. I can come to Christ and give him my life, in return I get love and feel at peace. I was trying to comprehend what it means to hand something over to God, what am I actually doing there? In the moment of complete depravity, anxiety, confusion when pain, hurt, and memories are flooding my heart I can stop, and say “God, your will be done. I trust you.” I’ve surrendered all worry, because I know God wants to take it from me, I’ve surrendered all confusion because I know God has a plan. Those things stop filling my heart because God has taken them from me.
Sometimes I still cling to them.
Sometimes I have to surrender them a thousand times.
Sometimes the pain remains so I see my need for God.
Sometimes I don’t mind the pain because that means I cling to God.
Sometimes I would rather experience a thousand painful memories than experience life without God, even for a second, because even when I rejected him, he was still there. He’s always been there for me.
Then I remember Christ. What a reverence I have for him now.
Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
I’ve begun to call it my sweet affections.