Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. – 1 Timothy 1:15-16
This was a verse my pastor, Paul Johnson, used in last Sunday’s teaching. Honestly, I can’t remember specifically how it related to his teaching; but the Holy Spirit was definitely relating it to me and my walk with God.
After the last couple weeks, I’ve been a little exhausted. I’m back at college which makes family life once again, safe; but where my heart left off was not. Satan’s right at my door pretty much begging me to grab a hold of this little lie that I know will just tear me apart. It’s so tempting to believe, to return to a place of sorrrow. I don’t know why that can feel so tempting, it’s really not satisfying at all.
Anyway, it’s really easy for me to look at what happened with my mom and see where she was lying, where there is some truth, and still question why she would say such a hurtful thing to me. It’s like she didn’t even care and just pushed me aside once again. Just like that.
So here I am, listening to this verse and I see the sinner I am. I feel the power of God, because like Paul in 1 Tim, God has forgiven even the worst. He’s done this so he could work in my heart and display unlimited patience to those around me who need to see God’s love, as an example for those who will receive eternal life.
I think about what it would mean to have unlimited patience towards my family, for where they’re at with God, and the things they say. Towards the people who hurt me, as an example of God. To look at them and know and trust God with their lives and to not be caught off guard by the twists and turns of life. But to have patience that never runs dry. Unlimited patience. God also revealed to me that he is healing my parents relationship, but I can have patience in that too. I think I see how he’s going to bless me in this, just to show the greatness he is which was harder for me to see in all this bleakness.
We will look forward to rejoicing, and even now we rejoice still. God is a father who desires to give good things, and how much better to a grateful heart! (that’s mine!)
Please pray for my strength in the meantime.