Yesterday I took the day off. I told the ladies I meet with that I couldn’t and I emailed my boss and asked that it’d be ok if I skipped work. With approval all around, I went out to a park and sat for 4 hours.
The wind was cold, but luckily I brought a blanket so I wrapped myself in it and sat.
My apprehension was that I was going to go and God wouldn’t meet me there. My heart was too proud. For the first minute I wept actually, just to be away from everything. How my heart longed to just escape, but only this teeny tiny part that was still alive. So being there, putting myself in God’s presence was whelming.
As I prayed through the different things, searching my heart, giving things to God, coming back to prayer, reading, singing some, readjusting my seat… God guided me to the Knowledge of the Holy by Tozer. In it, I found that it spoke a great depth of truth to the doubt in my heart.
Then Tozer mentioned something that I hadn’t really considered which was that science, in a way, takes our awe away from God and what he’s done. It becomes so normal and makes so much sense to us that we never get back to worshipping God. I began to realize this is what I’ve been doing.
Logic. I want God to fit inside my box of logic, and if it can’t… it must not be. But… if God is infinite, and as our creator, we have no ability to comprehend all things that are God. Even if we are given the truth we cannot know fully. There are many truths in the Bible that I have not been able to comprehend, one is the trinity and another is Christ’s payment covering all of our sins.
Tozer used a quote “The fact that Christ has died for my sins is incredible; and the fact that He was raised from the dead for my salvation is impossible.”
As I reflect on my time with God in the past months I am reminded of the frustration of not understanding and how that leads me to doubt. Who is God that we can understand? These things should cause us to worship him in wonder and majesty. As I idol knowledge and wisdom in my heart… I am looking forward to coming back to the heart of worship.
So I’m hoping to post a different blog on something about God that doesn’t entirely make sense to me, but is incredible.
This morning I read Matthew 20:20-28. The part I’m picking out is verses 26-27
“…Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as the ransom of many”
This is amazing to me because the God of the universe came down and did not come in glory. We spend all our lives trying to glorify God and He gave up glory to become a servant to us. He could have come down in power and majesty and won us over, but he had a greater example in mind, and instead he serves.
What a great God.