I wrote this up sometime in the beginning of this year, but just came across it in my journal. It’s amazing to look back and remember the dark places I was in, walking through some valleys, but God knew where He was leading me and led me out… so this is called The Cave. (its spoken word kind of a thing).
My heart: it crumbles and cracks by its hardness. Life’s taken back.
Under it all, it’s screaming for some form of oxygen to breath; a deep, faint beating.
Everyday passing by like time in rewind, I’m stuck going forward and living behind my days
as I watch rolling, rolling.
My heart: it bleeds and screams, but it’s falling on deaf ears.
My own soul doesn’t even know why it’s so cold. My minds stopped caring or maybe just wanting to know.
It’s so deprived, but I’ve placed it outside of…
My mind: is so distant. I can’t walk in the right way.
Left and then right is all it can say.
Feed your flesh and night overcomes day.
Yet it’s not right. There’s a distant screaming inside.
Emotion, you say, could I define? No, my hearts being trapped, enclosed by my depraved mind.
Yet, no regret for…
My soul: covered in webs, dust: old. It’s been forgotten, rotten, and cold. Cold like ice in a cave with no sun to melt it.
Like a bat in light: any ounce is decay.
It’s not right, and yet a distant scream echoes inside.
My heart: it still cries, all this time begging for my mind to be renewed in Christ
melting my soul to let go… I’m looking for something, something to know
that I’m still alive; that I’m not overcome to depravity of mind.
“Lay down and die” said the coldness of the night. This cave could keep my grave from time.
Though I can’t see: this caves too dark,
there’s a warmness of light I see with my heart.
It’s bleeding inside, though I can’t feel a thing, but the bleeding it seeps from the pores of my skin
taking all of my pride right out with it.
Oh sweet weakness. Could I define its starting position?
Cleanse me within with sweet glorious repetition.
Though the stains of my blood can be seen by my brothers and sisters: Lord, I don’t deserve a glorious disposition
if You didn’t seek to love me, I’m overcome to all distorted inhibition.
I cry “Leave me to be! Lay down and die”. Do not seek to restore my life.
I’m hardly worth any of Your time.
The cave: so dark- so cold. It tells me I’m all alone. It tells me this is my home.
But there’s a distant screaming inside.
A faint heart beating, still clinging to life.
Will I lay down and die? Overcome by this cave when there still is The Way?
There’s a distant screaming, a deep faint beating.
Everyday passing by like time in rewind.
I’m stuck going forward yet living behind,
but it too would be pride to just lay down and die.
So I guess I’ll learn that I have to abide in the light in the cave.
Remember the promise to me You made: You will never leave nor forsake.