When I am at the end

I’d learned to love what I thought
was a hope that’d never cheat
but there wasn’t enough to follow through
I was cornered and fighting was no use.

I’d learned to live my life for me
at least that was what I could control
but even my mind felt like a waste of time
and my body couldn’t keep itself in line.

I’d learned to think if I was strong
that protection came from my release
and there’d be no need to rely on love
where the stronger hurt those underneath.

So you put it to the test. Where would I be then?
When all my strength is invested
When my control becomes ineffective
When my soul becomes infected
When my body is unrested
When I’m at the end
of myself
Will my hope begin to doubt?
Will I find a new way out?
Will I put my strength in men?
Will I hope in this clown
who thought there was enough to go around
but feels kind of foolish now,
now she knows that there’s no doubt about
who is really in control

Now it’s time to give it up, soul.
Take upon your back His yoke.
Lean in now, and let Him pull.
Your spinning tires were getting dull.
Because you were never enough
to make your soul feel whole.

And when we’re in the clear
and the end is drawing near*
maybe you’ll remember who to fear
your Savior, a love so dear
who gave you ears to hear
a hope to hold, unfailing.
Promises unchanging.
Comfort, not assailing.
All mine for the taking
as I arrived at the end
of myself.

 

*grad school

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2 thoughts on “When I am at the end

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